How Are You Preparing For Today’s Opening Bell?

Good morning…?

Futures are painting a pretty clear picture of morning carnage with all three major indices set to open into major sell-offs. After getting rocked on Tuesday, we all got a nice day of mourning to take a breath and come back today…right into the buzzsaw.

So how are you getting ready for the ring a ding ding that will set the walls of the stock exchange running red with blood? Want some ideas?

Cover the surfaces of your trading floor with plastic, snort a few bumps of Addy and throw on Hazmat suit. Go long pharma. Everyone will want pills later. All kinds of pills. Set alerts to call a fellow trader 15 minutes and just say “Hey, markets also go down.” See how long it takes for a contract to be taken out on your life. Put it all in crypto, bro. Strip naked and walk out onto the sidewalk. Let the fresh air of a crowded sidewalk cleanse your body and your soul. Get your Steve Mnuchin dartboard ready, because if he’s so smart why is this happening? Ask the nearest WASP to be your new daddy. Create a movement in which you and 1,000 of your closest friends tweet “U MAD BRO?!” at @jimcramer in unison around 9:29 AM EST. Go throw up.

Enjoy your day, fuckers.

Keep reading this article on DealBreaker (Bess Levin) - Blog.